The Land of La La
by the story behind the blowup
Summary: The High-High-Highness-ites were contently awesome. The Land of La La Castle inhabitants were happily strange. But a do-it-in-stilletos contest could change all that! New pairings, cat love, awesome cars, and more! Only available in The Land of La La.
1. Preface

**Mwua. Ha. Ha. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or any Twilight characters! However, I do own Piper, the Piperites, and Snugglemuffinstralalahighhighhighnesskittinessoffluffinessupupandaway!**

**So, basically, this won't be my top priority story. It's sort of 1. The Slap Edward Day Chronicles 2. Never Forever/Keepers of Their Destiny 3. This Story.**

**But read anyway!**

**And review!**

**Pretty please?**

She flipped her hair over her shoulder and gave the pilot another shove. "I find that very insulting!"

"I didn't say anything, your high high highness of all wonder and glory."

"You meant to, but I shall excuse it because of your reference to my wonder and glory!" She flicked the ear of the pilot before exiting the cockpit and entering her bedroom. "PIPER!" She screamed when she saw what had happened in her room.

The lackey raced to her queen of all queens. "Yes, your high high beauty?"

"Do you SEE this room?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Well, fix it!" She threw down a smoke bomb and left the room, closing the door in her very confused lackey's face.

She once again entered the cockpit, staring out the window. "Are we there yet?" She flipped her hair over her shoulder and gave the pilot another shove. "I find that very insulting!"

"I didn't say anything, your high high highness of all wonder and glory.

She pulled out a tuft of his hair and left, sprinkling it on the frozen-in-confusion lackey. She flounced to the kitty room and picked up Snugglemuffinstralalahighhighkittinessoffluffinessupupandaway, sighing.

"Are you the only one who understands me?" She poked the stuffed animal's stomach, and it meowed. She sighed and put it down, calling up Snugglemuffinstralalahighhighkittienessoffluffinessupupandaway's personal Piperite to get some kitty food for the poor anorexic cat. She continued on to the Whipped Cream Palace room, but didn't get to open the door, as the aircraft landed suddenly. "FINALLY!" She screamed as the Piperites dragged the Whipped Cream Throne out of the Whipped Cream Palace and placed her on it, at which time it immediately levitated five feet off the ground. The same went for a miniature, made-for-kitties version on which Snugglemuffinstralalahighhighkittinessoffluffinessupupandaway was placed. They levitated out, followed by Piper and all the Piperites that could fit on the Mary-Poppins'-bag-like aircraft.

"Finally…" the high high highness began. "We have arrived."

"DUHN DUHN DUHN!" Sang Piper.

"MEOWHN MEOWHN MEOWHN!" Sang Snugglemuffinstralalahighhighkittinessoffluffinessupupandaway.

"CARROTS CARROTS CARROTS!" Sang Maxipoopie.

"Ahem!" Signaled the high high highness.

"CARROTSHN CARROTSHN CARROTSHN!"

**Give me five minutes (ten, tops) and I'll have another chapter up!**

**R&R!**

**Thanksforreadingreviewmoreupsoonblahblahblah**

**-JV-**


	2. Chapter 1

**Did I not promise more? R&R!**

The Queen was sobbing manly tears of pain. The King hit him on the back.

"Man up, weakling!"

"BUT HE HIT ME!"

"So? You're the Queen, for Roger's sake!" Roger nodded vehemently at the King's statement. So what could the Queen do but stand up, brush off his dress, and sit back on his throne in all of his manliness? And it was a good thing, too, because right then, a servant walked in.

"HOW DO YOU JUSTIFY COMING HERE!" The King shouted. It wasn't really a question.

"I, um, they, and, yeah, gotta go!" The servant fled.

"I am The Jake and I approve that!" A booming voice said from a nearby room. Seconds later, Dr. Jacob Wolfe burst into the throne room, greeted by an irritated King and a sleeping Queen.

"Jake!" The King fled to her do-dude. "You must help me!"

"Why? What is wrong, my King?"

"I'm bored!"

"Ah, a matter of great importance! BRING THE CAMELS!" The camels walked in on The Jake's command, games of Clue and Monopoly bouncing on their heads.

"YAY!" The King shrieked, petting the pretty camels before tearing the Royal Bored Games off their heads. "FUN FUN WE'RE GONNA HAVE FUN!"

"DON'T EAT THE PILGRIMS THE FILLING IS GUN POWDER!" The Queen shrieked as he awoke to a very surprised King and The Jake. "Well, don't look so surprised, we all knew the giant ant farm would tip over. And it's not a big surprise that The Jake at all their carrots and we had to feed tomatoes to the stuffed bunnies until Blake was seven."

The Queen and The Jake blinked in unison.

The same servant came in. "My wife says that I should be strong, so here goes: IHAVETOSWEEPTHEFLOORSI'MSORRYMYBOSSTOLDMETO!" He immediately began sweeping the floors, and was out only seconds before his wife, Le Chipmunk, came in.

"YO WUTS UP SISTA!" Le Chipmunk squealed.

"DOWN WID IT!" The King yelled nonsensically.

"FWEE~!" The Queen yelled, topping the King's nonsensicalness.

"LOOKY HERE SISTA!" Le Chipmunk produced a small, rectangular, black object with a silver part at the top and a round circle containing a silver square. The King and Queen ran away from it screaming.

"YO SO SILLY, FO 'SHIZZLE! IT HERE BE JUST MY IPHONE!" The Chipmunk squealed annoyedly.

"What the dickens is an iPhone?" The King composed herself once again.

"YO KNOW WUTS? I DON'TS REALLY KNOWS." The Chipmunk grinded the offensive object under her heel.

"LE GASP! HOW DARE IT CONFUZZLE YOU?"

"DUHN DUHN DUHN!" Said a voice outside the window, appropriately to the moment.

"MEOWHN MEOWHN MEOWHN!" Said a kittilike voice.

"CARROTS CARROTS CARROTS!" Then came some squabbling before "CARROTSHN CARROTSHN CARROTSHN!"

"Whatever could that be, O The Jake?"

"My spidey senses tell me we have visitors!"

"Yay! Let's go bombard them with fruit basket bombs!" The Queen sounded very excited at the chance to take the empty baskets, which were rotting since they were made out of cantaloupe (much to TSTCF's horror), and throw them at unexpecting visitors.

"OKAYS LET'S DO DAT!" Le Chipmunk seemed to have run out of gangsta things to say, so now she was just spazzing.

"OMG PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC!!!" The Queen shrieked.

"WHAT IS IT HUSBAND?" The Queen was staring at his finger while The King spoke. He breathed a sigh of relief before replying.

"Oh, nothing. I thought that Le Chipmunk had eaten my finger, but it's right here."

"Oh, that's good."

"HEY! I DON'T EAT FINGERS!!! Unless they're gourmet."

Then the twenty-foot windowed wall behind them simply disappeared, known only to Le Chipmunk, who was standing opposite them.

**Now I'm going to hold a little contest. **

**See, Her High High Highness, The King, The Queen, Le Chipmunk, and Le Chipmunk's husband are all canon characters. Whoever can accurately name the most of them gets featured in an upcoming chapter!**

**YAY!**

**And sadly, now Jacob's (The Jake's) initials are now JW. THAT MEANS HE CAN NO LONGER BE JAMES BOND!**

**Le sigh.**

**-JV-**


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: Sigh. Not as much random funniness in this chapter. It's more of setting up future plot... ness. And it's not very long. I usually try to post at least ten pages, but this one barely makes it over six. Sorry!**

**Disclaimer: I only own the stranger names... like Le Chipmunk (though I don't own the character)! Though, I do own Snugglemuffinstralalahighhighkittinessoffluffinessupupandaway, thankfully.**

Le Chipmunk le gasped! "OH. MY. IDON'TEVENKNOWWHAT."

"What's wrong, Le Chipmunk?" The Jake was always the cool voice of logic.

"B-b-b-b—" Le Chipmunk stuttered, pointing past The Jake's shoulder. All three of the The's turned around.

"OH NO! What are we going to do, The Jake?" The King grabbed The Jake's shoulder in terror.

"I LOVED THAT WALL!" The Queen cried, running over to the space where the wall had disappeared, crying manly tears of pain.

"We shall go investigate!" The King announced, taking charge, as always. "Le Chipmunk, lose the gangsta accent. We may be dealing with real gangstas, and we don't want to irritate them with stereotypes." Le Chipmunk nodded in agreement, and they proceeded through the open space, taking the still-sobbing Queen with them.

They found a procession of people who looked identical on the first glance but you could tell apart easily if you cared to. There were all about five inches shorter than would be normal, except for one, who was an average height, but looked freakishly tall. She still belonged to the faux-identical group, though, as three others didn't.

One had a huge grin and black hair with a single red streak. He stood out, seeing as he was part of the identical crowd, but didn't have the sandy-blond-or-a-few-shades-off hair that most of them did. The second was a cat, who, upon further investigation, turned out to be stuffed. And last, but certainly not least, was a gorgeous girl upon a floating white chair not unlike the stuffed cat's.

The The's and Le's were speechless.

"I could have a monologue, or we could just skip to the part where you offer me a room in the castle and whatever I need."

"I… I would prefer your monologue, peasant." The King said, once again taking control.

"FINE! Rotten beggars! Well, it--"

"We do not appreciate your termology. Shape up or get out." The Jake said, always calm and cool.

"LOAD THE MUFFINATORS WITH MUFFINS!" The mysterious beauty shouted. The faux-identicals loaded large gun-like things with bite-sized muffins. "If you can catch these in your mouth, I'll let you keep your lives." The The's and Le's, however skeptic, wouldn't dare step down to such a challenge! When the muffins began shooting out, their talents became clear.

While The King and The Queen didn't have much practice in this area, The Jake was catching them right and left. All that missed his mouth, mostly the broccoli-snickerdoodles (since poor The Jake was allergic to broccoli), went to Le Chipmunk, so that no muffin landed on the ground!

"Bravo, bravo, bravo." Said the stiletto'd beauty boredly. "Congratulations! Your prize? You get to keep your lives. Now let me in the castle already."

"What a monologue," The Queen said mockingly.

"Ugh, fine. So it all started with a contest – a do it in stilettos contest. You had to perform awesome feats in stilettos. I happened to have my army of Piperites, led by Piper, so I figured it wouldn't be a problem to take over a country. But not just any country – the Land of La La Empire!" She cackled evilly.

"Oh, silly little wench. You'll never take over The Land of La La – never!" The Jake smirked.

"You sound confident for a mere boy," spat the bethroned contest contestant.

"You underestimate me, mindless invader. For I am… THE JAKE!"

"And I am… THE ROSE! But it's Her High High Highness, to you." Said Her High High Highness mockingly.

"And to me? I am not going to bow down to you, silly little peasant." The King's eyes narrowed.

"Fine, refer to me as Rosalie for now, but soon, you shall bow down!" Rosalie said after a long and intense stare with The Queen.

"I highly doubt that. Some—"

"—One bring the pigeons!" Finished The Jake, for no apparent reason. The pigeons flew from above and stole the stuffed cat.

"NO!!! SNUGGLEMUFFINSTRALALAHIGHHIGHKITTINESSOFFLUFFINESSUPUPANDAWAY! SHE WAS SO YOUNG!" Rosalie began sobbing uncontrollably.

"Is that seriously her name?" The Jake asked, holding back a girlish giggle.

"Yes, and you have to refer to her as that!"

"Umm… does she have a nickname?"

"That is her nickname."

"…Interesting. What's her full name?"

"Deycallzhersnugglemuffinstralalahighhighkittinessoffluffinessupupandawaysweetiepoolovelovelittleuncutiepiemeowmeowedisonheeheehahahohomwuahahahastilettocatfluffyfulnevergoingtothehappyfarmbecauseshesjustthatawesomedontyouwanttopetherbutyoucanthahahaiamtheinfiniteruleroftheuniverse Hale!"

"…How about Buffy?"

"HOW DARE YOU DISGRACE SNUGGLEMUFFINSTRALALAHIGHHIGHKITTINESSOFFLUFFINESSUPUPANDAWAY BY SUGGESTING THAT WE CALL HER _BUFFY_?!"

"YES, HOW DARE YOU!" Screamed the Piperites in unison.

"Though E works." Said Rosalie.

"E?" The Jake repeated.

"E."

"E!" Screamed the Piperites in unison.

"I'll handle this!" Rosalie screamed, flicking the nearest Piperite's ear. She then leaned forward and her throne, along with E's (though E was not there), moved forward, followed closely by Piper and the Piperites.

"Well, if you're our guests, we're going to have to treat you right. Le Chipmunk, go tell the chefs to make the finest of pies."

"PIE?!" Screamed Rosalie.

"MEOW?!" Screamed E, the voice seeming far away.

"What do you want, then?" The Queen said flatly, not wanting to be late for his manicure appointment.

"We only eat milk with two drops of food coloring per cup," Rosalie informed him snootily. "And Snugglemuffinstralalahighhighkittinessoffluffinessupupandaway here only eats the finest kitty food in the world: Chef Hector's Finest."

The Queen just rolled his eyes and snapped. The trembling servant appeared and escorted him to his manicure. Le Chipmunk scurried off to find the kitchen, as it was always relocating itself to chase the refrigerator, which had a nasty habit of running off. The Queen and The Jake took Rosalie, E, Piper, and the Piperites to the throne room through the open wall.

"By the way, what happened to the wall?" The Jake asked his newfound enemy.

"We vaporized it." Rosalie explained.

"You know you're going to have to pay for that, right?"

Rosalie sighed. "Fine, we're dirty rich."

"Dirty are your minions, but you only seem rich." Rosalie stuck her tongue out at The Jake's comment.

"They're called Piperites, tall boy." She continued, after closing her mouth and swallowing.

"It's The Jake, your High High Snootiness."

Rosalie gasped and smacked his head with a magazine not unlike swatting a fly, but continued her hovering, glowing with pride. She made no further comment on his pathetic and insulting termology. She resolved to simply ignore the wannabes and concentrate on the rulers of The Land of La La, which would soon be called The Land of Rose, if she had her way. Which she always did.

The King adjusted the puffy sleeves on her Onesies and continued, blabbering to The Queen and Her High High Highness, neither of who seemed to be listening. While they exited the door, The Jake and Le Chipmunk stayed behind, not caring enough to proceed.

"So, sista, what brings you da dumps?" Le Chipmunk had stayed much longer than she planned to, and ran out of carefully selected gangsta things to say from her Gangsta Translation Handbook. However, she still tried.

"Rainy days and taxes," The Jake responded sadly.

"No, no, why ya so dumps, brother from another mother?"

"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" The Jake shrieked, shrill.

"LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!" Le Chipmunk, equally shrill and ten times louder, pulled out her business card, which read _The Affairs Of Others Are My Business_!

"Oh. Then it's because my wife divorced me."

"Vanessa? Arr, she be one o' me maties!" Le Chipmunk had decided to revert to her backup things to say. Which all happened to be in pirate, because they were from her brief pirate phase.

"We had a fight."

"Arr! …you sad?" Le Chipmunk improvised.

"Duh, stupid mammal."

"You're a mammal yourself."

"But not a stupid one."

"If it makes you feel better, my husband's leaving me."

"It does."

"Was that supposed to be an insult?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. I don't get it."

"Me either."

"Too bad. I was hoping you could explain it to me."

"What do you say I take you out to dinner and I try to figure it out while we're miserable together?"

"Sounds like fun."

"Off to McDonald's, then! I happen to own a private room."

Le Chipmunk squealed, too excited to say anything else.

XxX xXx XxX

"_Anywa_y, I have a manicure appointment, but I'm sure King Bella here'll show ya around." The Queen smiled and walked away, his glass high heels staccato against the smooth floring.

"Is… he gay?" Her High High Highness asked when The Queen was out of hearing range.

"Of course not. We're married."

"Your parents must be so proud," Her High High Highness said rudely.

The King slapped the offender with a cry of "Kyaah!"

"Kyaah!" The Piperites screamed in unison, randomly hitting each other and themselves.

"Oops. Oh, well, genetic engineering is bound to go wrong." Her High High Highness said, not even realizing that she'd spilled a secret. "So," she began in a chatty tone, "I was thinking – heavens, what are you doing with your fingers?" She began to sound like some Great Aunt in response to The King tracing random patterns in the air with her fingers.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Well, it looks like you're playing Invisible Pacman!"

"What? No!"

"Well, then you must be planning a donkey chase!"

"Huh? No!"

"Eating air pie?"

"Umm… no."

"Then I give up!"

"Thank God."

At that moment, a loud crash sounded from the other room, followed by a curse in a voice so twisted with anger that for a moment, The King didn't even recognize it.

"The Jake?" She rushed to the source, which turned to be back in the throne room. "OH. MY. IDON'TEVENKNOWWHAT." The King quoted Le Chipmunk, from a time which seemed eons ago, but had only been about fifteen minutes. Still, an eon for a drama queen such as The King. Pardon me, a drama king.

The Jake and Le Chipmunk were lying on the floor. (But that wasn't the surprising part.) An identical wall to the vaporized one now crushed the two! (But that wasn't the surprising part, either.) The Jake and Le Chipmunk were very close to each other.

Now, a Million-Rule is the rule you get when you've made a million dollars. His was that twelve inches of space was required between him and anyone below him in status.

Now, The Jake was most like the Court Advisor, plus a little of… well, everything. Le Chipmunk was more like the Court Jester.

Three measly inches of space separated the two.

XxX xXx XxX

Once the wall was re-installed, and everyone was showered from the white powder that seemed to cover everything, The Jake glanced at his Rolex. He tapped his foot and glanced around, seemingly bored.

The soft footsteps of the black flats that The King had worn earlier that day could not be heard, but a hand was placed on The Jake's shoulder. He jumped, and turned around, only to find a barefoot King.

"Oh," he said, catching his breath and taking a sip of his—manly—hot cocoa. "It's just you."

"I hardly agree with the 'just' part, but it is me and it is you, and we're friends, so why don't we sit down and talk?" The King murmured, and sat on the bench next to The Jake without waiting for an answer. "Is there something going on between you and Le Chipmunk?" Brusque, direct, and to the point. As usual.

"Why do you ask?"

"Three measly inches, millionaire." Only The Jake and The King would know what that meant. But that satisfied The King.

"I… umm… well… it's just that… and Nessie…. COMING!" He ran off, but was soon tackled by The King.

"They can wait; I'm The King." She hissed in his ear. Not that she was a gossipmonger or anything. Just a newsmonger. Or, at least, that's what she told herself.

"I asked her out to dinner. That's all."

"You're married. She's married. You're sick. She's sick. THIS IS WRONG! THIS IS WRONG!" She shrieked, crying to the skies – her back was arched in a position that allowed The Jake to wriggle free. "NO!" She shrieked, running after him. But he was faster, and she tackled the air, earning herself a nasty bruise. _Black,_ she thought. _It's so dark and black all of a sudden…._

**A/N: In case you didn't catch that, Bella passed out.**

**Oh, by the way, I didn't receive any contest entries, and this thing is like the spoiler for the characters, so the contest's off.**

**I'll just tell you the rest, so we won't have any confusion. 'Kay?**

**The King: Bella**

**The Queen: Emmett (HUZZAH! Did anyone think it was Edward?)**

**The Jake/Dr. Jacob Wolfe: Isn't it obvious? Jacob Black!**

**Her High High Highness: Rosalie**

**Le Chipmunk: Alice!**

**The shaky servant: Edward! Huzzah! An Alice/Edward pairing! Along with an Alice/Jacob pairing.**

**Vanessa: Renesmee**

**OKAYREVIEWMYLITTLECUCUMBERS!**

**-JV-**


End file.
